just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just cut my nipple shaving
please come you make the beer taste better
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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