hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
