In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
