I should be sponsored by Trojan
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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