just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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