Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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