Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
