My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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