I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
