did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Come see our sink grown plant.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
