It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
