I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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