I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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