I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
