Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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