im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
