this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
