Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
