why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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