Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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