ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
