So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize