my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
