that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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