Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize