Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize