in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
