she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize