You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
