I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
