I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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