woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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