i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize