Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I fill condoms, not promises.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
