I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
