Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
