I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
