goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
