so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
