I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Randomize
