I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
