Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
