Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
