i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
