I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize