So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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