Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
