is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
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