And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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