You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
