grandma shit on top of the toilet
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
