Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
