I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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