Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
