i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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