I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm just crazy horny about you
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
