There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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