he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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