Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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