went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
