I'm gonna have a badass scar
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
