God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
