just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
