Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
